So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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