His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
