you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
