oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
