hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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