Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
