Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
