So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
