Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
