I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
