i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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