Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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