I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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