a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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