Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
