Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
