SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
