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I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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