I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
