I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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