So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
