You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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