Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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