I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
