like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
