I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
