my shit smells like andre
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
