I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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