i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
