I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
