we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
