I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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