I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
