How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
