She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
