I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
