Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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