What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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