I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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