Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
