Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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