Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
