I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
