Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
