never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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