we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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