C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
