with your own penis?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
honey bunches of taint.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
