Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
