Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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